The past couple of years has not been short of unfortunate events. From a pandemic to wars and now recession, all these events can trigger feelings of stress and anxiety. Over time, these feelings can lead to making irrational decisions, like cheating or having an affair.
There is also a general sense of boredom worldwide. It can drive people to look for adventures in the wrong places. To break the monotony of a relationship, guys do not always look for something new. Many times, they go back to a familiar person; their ex. Whatever the reason, there is no justification for infidelity. To recover, the cheater must own and acknowledge his wrong behavior. You also need to understand, why guys cheat with their previous partner. Here are some of the reasons:
Seeking comfort in the past
At times of uncertainty, some people search for comfort in the former chapters of their lives. They think revisiting the past can make them feel calmer and more in control. That is why some guys cheat with their ex, even when they are already in a committed relationship. They do not want to take the risk of getting involved with someone new. So, they go back and try to rekindle a familiar relationship with their past lover.
Falling back into the arms of the ex is like recalling a scene from the past. For some guys, this reminds them of a time when they were younger. At that time, maybe they also felt freer or had more dreams and fewer responsibilities. As we grow older, life can put more stress and burden on us. For some guys, returning to their ex is their escape from all this.
The safety of the familiar
Under stress, people can make all sorts of irrational decisions. The pressure makes familiar options, places, and people seem safer and more attractive. That is why some guys view having an affair with their ex as a safer, more familiar choice. It provides them with a degree of certainty that they lack in their troubled lives. With the ex, they think they know exactly what to expect in the relationship.
Easier option
If a guy is thinking about cheating, going back to an ex seems like an easier choice for them. Not all guys are ready to do much effort to get to know someone new. They might also not be ready for any surprises. So, they get back to what they know. After all, it feels easier to reach out to an ex.
Still in love with the ex
When a relationship is over, it is not always “over” for both parties. One or both parties might still be emotionally involved in the relationship. If your partner is still not over his ex, the probabilities are higher that he might cheat with her. Maybe he never wanted them to break up in the first place. So, whenever the past lover comes back into his life, he might not have the will to resist her.
Even if the ex has left him with a broken heart, he might still cheat with her. The moment she tries to win him back, he will forget everything wrong she has done. He will remember only how he felt about her. Even if he realizes this is wrong for both you and him, he might still cheat with her. At this point, he is probably too desperate and vulnerable to fight his feelings for her.
How to know if your boyfriend is cheating with his ex?
The above-mentioned reasons do not apply to all men, of course. So, if you have doubts that your partner is cheating with his ex, you still need to look for signs. They say love is blind, but you should not be. Here are some red flags to watch out for, if you suspect your boyfriend is cheating with an ex:
Sudden changes in your relationship
The first signs of cheating are usually so subtle that most partners tend to overlook them. At this point, you still might not be able to put your finger on the problem. However, you feel that something is wrong. There has been a noticeable change in your relationship with your partner.
In general, the relationship between every couple goes through different changes over time. It is not always rainbows and butterflies. So, not every shift in the relationship means your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you. However, if you feel you are drifting apart or are arguing more often, you should take notice. Something is definitely wrong. It does not have to be an affair, but you need to keep an eye on things and address these changes.
Some signs are more specific, indicating that there is someone else in the picture. For example, if your partner suddenly becomes over-critical of you and everything you do. If he constantly compares you to other women or asks you to change how you look or how you dress. All these are signals that he might be involved with another woman.
Spending more time with the ex
Even if he says they are just good friends, hanging out with an ex is not something you should force yourself to feel comfortable with. This is a tricky situation. If they have already ended things years ago and become friends afterward, it might not be a big deal. Occasionally keeping in touch or calling every now and then, can be ok.
On the other hand, if the ex suddenly appeared in your partner’s life, then you need to talk with him. Becoming besties and hanging out with his ex alone is not normal. So, he should understand that it is bothering you. As your man, he should be considerate of your feelings. Otherwise, this could be a red flag that they are more than just friends.
Unexplainable disappearance
Does your partner recently seem busier than usual? Has he started working late a lot or traveling for work? Has he gone off the radar and you were not able to reach him for hours? All these changes could be signs that your partner is having an affair.
Disappearing a lot for no apparent reason is a classic sign of cheating. He is probably spending this time with his ex-wife or partner and is running out of reasonable excuses to tell you. If he is not cheating, then why would he lie about where he was?
Even when he comes home, he seems withdrawn from you. He probably avoids eye contact and does not show interest in you, like before. This might be his way of hiding from you or dealing with the guilt he feels toward you. He cannot confront you or look you in the eye.
Secretive behavior
Nowadays, technology has become an essential part of communication. So, if your partner is having an affair, he will be more protective over his phone. If you know the passcode of his phone, he will change it. When you are with him, he will always put the phone face down on the table. Most of the time, his phone will be on silent mode.
All these tricks are used by cheaters to make sure their partners will not check their phones or catch a message by mistake. So, whenever your boyfriend does any of these tricks, be sure there is something on his phone he does not want you to see.
Mentioning the ex a lot
This is a typical behavior pattern. When we like someone or think about them a lot, we end up speaking about them more often. We do this subconsciously. So, your partner will not be aware of how many times he has mentioned his previous girlfriend in front of you.
It is like when someone has a crush. They always somehow bring up the name of their crush in any conversation. However, if your partner is constantly talking about his ex, that does not necessarily mean they are having an affair. Still, this is an alarming signal that he is thinking about her a lot.
It can be hard to even acknowledge the fact that your partner might be cheating on you. However, living in denial is not the solution. Do not ignore the obvious signs. You need to get to the bottom of the problem. Communication is key in any relationship. So, try to understand what has happened and why.
Conclusion
Finding out your guy is cheating with his ex does not necessarily mean the end of your relationship. Many couples work hard together to overcome infidelity. Sometimes, couples go through these tough issues and come out even stronger than before. Just remember, it takes two people to cheat and also two partners to work on the relationship. Whatever your decision is, always put yourself and your happiness first.
The past of your partner does not always stay in the past. Just make sure it does not break your future!
