It can be difficult when you are spending more money on your boyfriend than he does on you. This is because, without sounding like you give to receive, it simply isn’t fair. So, each person in a relationship should be spending the same on one another to ensure that neither party is using the other to pay for their bills.
Also, you need to keep track of the differences in their spending, as significant differences can be red flags and warning signs that something isn’t quite right within the relationship. This can be a distressing thought about the person that you love. However, it is something well worth keeping an eye on because it simply isn’t fair on you to be spending your hard-earned cash on somebody and for it not to be reciprocated.
Signs to look for
There are telltale signs that he is taking advantage of you financially. One of these can be determined by looking at who pays for things such as meals out or trips most of the time. Thus, if you find that you are the one who is paying for everything, then perhaps it is time to take a long, hard look at your relationship and start asking questions as to why this is.
Another sign to look for is that he simply expects you to pay all of the time. So there may be occasions, such as birthdays or treats, where you pay. However, if in day-to-day life you find yourself paying for everything and he doesn’t even offer, then the chances are he has become far too comfortable with the concept of you paying for everything and you have become a useful commodity to him.
Of course, there can be occasions when your boyfriend earns less than you. But if he earns the same or even more and is spending his savings on things for other people or for himself, then he is definitely using your generosity to his advantage. Further, the guy is definitely taking advantage of this opportunity that has arisen for him.
What to do
If you think that your boyfriend might be using you to cover his purchases, then try to refrain from offering to pay and see what he does. Any normal dynamic within a relationship would mean that he would then stump up the money and pay for the meal, date, or whatever occasion it is himself. However, if he just sits and waits until you pay, then this is a major red flag.
Now, by giving your boyfriend the opportunity to pay for things himself, you are allowing him a chance to redeem himself and to see whether he is willing to pay for things or if he simply expects you to pay. In most relationships, the money is spent equally. So, this divide is a commonly unspoken term within a relationship that most adults understand and are aware of.
Presents
If your man is spending less on you than you are on him, then it could be a sign that he can’t afford to keep up with you. However, if cash is no problem, then, as much as you may want to, try spending less on him and judge his reaction. If he is disappointed, then this is a sign that he is a material guy, and you need to detach from the relationship.
Present buying does not have to be about money; if there is a significant difference in the amount spent, then it could be a good idea to have a conversation about it. Not necessarily one where you go in and ask why he is spending less on you, but more one that is an open forum where you set a budget for present buying so that you both end up spending the same amount on one another.
This is a great way to ensure that the dollars you both spend on one another are fair and even and don’t have to involve any awkward confrontations or conversations. It also means that your partner should then be spending equally on you as you are on him, provided he had an active part in the conversation and agreed with you.
Conversations
One way in which the issue of him spending less on you can be resolved is by having a conversation with him about it. While it may feel awkward and often talking about finances is a taboo topic, it is important if this is really bothering you that you do have a conversation about it.
You don’t have to go in directly and tell him that you aren’t happy with the difference in spending on each other. But you can broach the topic by starting the conversation by saying that you feel you’re spending too much on him. After that, see where the conversation naturally flows from there throughout.
Talking about finances is important, if it is bothering you, he should know. He might simply not realize it, but you can judge by his reasoning and reaction whether or not he is an exploiter. If he responds, saying he didn’t realize it, then it is time to see whether this conversation changes things. But if he reacts badly or is offended, then this could be because he doesn’t like the fact that you brought this up because it highlights his lack of spending on you.
Where does he spend that money?
It is crucial that you look at your guy’s earnings metaphorically and deduce where he is spending his money if it isn’t on you. If he is spending his earnings on other people or hobbies, then he clearly isn’t prioritizing right, and that isn’t fair on you.
When you love a person, you want to buy them things and spend money on them. You don’t mind doing so because they are important to you, and therefore you are deemed worth it to them. Your boyfriend should not feel obliged to buy you things, and that shouldn’t be the sole reason that he does so; he should be spending it on you because he wants to.
If he is spending on other things and you are at the bottom of the pile, then this is indicative that you are low on his priority list and that he considers you to be of less value than these other areas of his life. You need to carefully figure out where he is throwing his cash, because if he is spending it on other people, then this could be a sign that either he doesn’t want to spend it on you because he does not value you, or it can often be a sign of cheating.
People work hard for their money, so they will spend it on what is important to them. This means that if you are as important to him as he is to you, then purchasing items for you should not feel like a chore; it should come naturally.
If you think about the reasons you divide your cash with your partner, he should do the same for the exact same reasons, and if he isn’t, then there is clearly something wrong. This is a major red flag and can make you question whether he feels the same about you as you do about him.
Aftermath
Once you have done all of the steps above, you must keep a close eye on the aftermath and see how your boyfriend reacts to having a conversation with you about it, your withholding spending, and your setting budgets. If your man really cares about you, then he will change his behavior. These should be immediately obvious, and the changes will be noticeable.
If he doesn’t care about you or he is an exploiter, then nothing will change, and he will continue to either spend money elsewhere or simply continue to spend less money on you than you are on him.
It can be hard to come to terms with if your boyfriend is using you for your money or financial benefits. But the ultimate and only option is to break off the relationship. In fact, a relationship based on an unfair power or spending divide will never work out and, in the end, will result in you eventually resenting him for it, which leaves you in an unhappy relationship.
If he isn’t willing to make any changes for you and adapt, then it is time to move on and find somebody else who is worth spending your salary on.
Breakups can be difficult; however, if you have managed to determine that he is using you only financially, then this can set the pretense for your next relationship and can help you to make sure that you don’t fall into the same trap and end up doing the same things next time.
